Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Points with Which to be Fearless

Well...I joined Weight Watchers Point Plus program. I'm just going with 5% increments. So first goal is 15 pounds. I'd be happy with 5 for now.

As of right now, in this moment, I'm doing okay.

Took me five days to sign up. Commitment. whoa. Need to some BIG fearlessness in this one.

So... yay me... for hitting the confirm payment/signup button.



*wiping brow* *deep breath* and on we go

Monday, January 2, 2012

fearless is ...

Today, fearlessness occurred when I went outside and it was extremely windy and 40 degrees and I had a "stomach pit" memory (or PTSD?) reaction to the weather. By "stomach pit", I mean not a picture in my head or words in my brain -- just the cold hard fist of fear in the belly.

It was an old, old feeling of fear and uneasiness. I didn't like it. I wanted to run back in the house and hide. My breath was shallow and fast, and I could feel panic in my throat. I just thought Get in the car. Get in the car. I got in the car and I said breathe breathe breathe.

And...I breathed. In and out. In and out. I went to the store and I came home. I had to bring in the garbage can - all the way at the end of the driveway. I asked Kathi to watch me so I could get it.

Was I fearless? Hell yes! I breathed. I got in the car. I went to the store. I came home. I got the garbage can. I asked for help. When I had some residual panic, I colored. Coloring soothes the soul and helps me get back to me and focus.

So fear -- ZERO
Diana -- ONE

The word is...

Fearless

I'm stealing from my friend Tracie and stating my word ... fearless ... for 2012.

Her blog helped me see that I already had preconceptions on what it meant to be fearless.

So now, I just have the word ... fearless ... and 2012 will be what it will be, and I will keep repeating the word ... fearless ... and hope the universe helps me see moments when I can apply it as I need it and how I need it.

Fearless
*wow, I'm afraid now that I've put that out there... breathing innnn breathing outttt and hitting publish ... fearless"